February 19, 2022

 Building a strong marriage relationship is hard and takes a great deal of effort! Before marriage in dating, courtship, and engagement it is so important to be talking with and getting to know your potential spouse. Especially once you get into courtship and engagement you should be establishing some very distinct boundaries or standards for you both in that relationship. These boundaries could include how openly you share private things shared between the couple with people outside the relationship. A boundary could be how one interacts with friends especially friends of the opposite gender. I think these boundaries have to first start from knowing your spouse and understanding what may be a challenge for them. It also goes back to how you perceive things. This is a good opportunity as a couple for you to define what being in a relationship with each other will look like and can even help you grow closer to each other in the process!

An important adjustment to establishing strong marriage relationships is building a boundary around the couple. The couple should not have anyone who is closer or at a more intimate level than their spouse. Their spouse should be their number one always. Now, this doesn't mean you can’t be friends with other people or have a close relationship with your children but no matter what your spouse should always be first in a relationship! The boundary around the couple keeps intimate and private things in and also keeps things out. It is good protection for the couple to stay strong and resilient.

It can sometimes be helpful to imagine a couple relationship like this image below! The man and the woman are at the center with a dotted line around them showing that there is a pretty clear boundary separating them from the outside world. Then as the couple starts to have children the children are still outside their couple’s boundary but there is another family boundary that forms between the children and the world. Even though these children aren’t at the same level as the parents there still is some go between the couple and the children. This diagram helps us see the order of the relationship even within our own families. First the spouse and then the children. I think this is very important to remember and to try and implement into our lives!

Although this model is the idea it often doesn’t happen which can cause a huge divide between the couple! Sometimes when children are introduced into a family the mother will develop a stronger connection to the baby which can cause a rift to form between the mother and father. Children, especially bran new babies will always need a great deal of care and time but does that mean we are destined to sacrifice our relationship with our spouse in order to raise children. I don’t think it has to be this way! We are all going to be busy in life no matter it is work, a busy class schedule or family life, or all those combined into one but no matter what we get to decide how we use our time. Yes, we will always have responsibilities that will occupy our time and energy but that doesn’t mean we are virtually subjets to our own busy schedule. We can choose to be intentional with our time and make time for things that are important to us such as strengthening our relationship with our spouse! Just as President Nelson stated in the October 2021 General Conference, “There are many things we can control. We set our own priorities and determine how we use our energy, time, and means.” We have more control over our lives than we sometimes think!