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January 22, 2022

    Families are sort of like a complex organization. An organization has a president or CEO that leads the company with many other people filling roles to help the organization be successful. Some examples of these roles could be a secretary, manager, project developer, advertising crew and so many others. Similarly, within a family unite each member plays a vital role to help the family fulfill its’ purpose. Some family roles could be mother and father, peacemaker, family clown or tension reliever and filling a sibling-parental or leadership role. Unlike a company where you apply and get interviewed for positions within the company family members often grow to fill a need within the family without ever being told there is an opening or even consciously thinking they need to take on a specific family role. These roles can be filled by any individual in the family. Often siblings are influenced by their order of birth into the family but any member can take on a role at any time. As family members fill these roles it can greatly impact the inner workings of the family and can often relieve some stress or pressure on the parents. 

    In my family growing up I remember one of my older sisters taking on a parental role. Anytime our parents were out on a date or weren’t around she took charge and made sure things ran smoothly in our parent’s absence. She made sure we had meals, helped my younger siblings and me get ready for bed, and defused any arguments or disagreements that happened. This was never something my parents necessarily told her she needed to do but she did it anyway so our family could still function even without our parents around. We knew that if we needed something while our parents were out she was the sibling that could answer our questions and help us. I am sure this was a great relief to my parents knowing that they could leave us for short or long periods of time and things would still run smoothly! My sister made a huge impact on our family!

    My brother on the other hand often took the role of tension reliever in my family. When things got a bit tense, my sisters and I would get into big fights or we would start stressing out about something he always knew how to lighten the mood! He would either crack a joke or do something funny to get us to start laughing. He really helped us find joy and happiness despite how stressful or hard a situation was. He was always able to lighten our mood and brought much-needed excitement into our family! 

    A peacemaker is so important to help a family get through the ups and downs of daily life! This individual tries to help siblings avoid fighting and get through conflict quickly and without causing too many hurt feelings. I think all my siblings and I ended up playing this role at different times. Depending on who was fighting different siblings would come in and try to diffuse the situation and help things to go back to the normal calm. Sometimes the peacemaker’s efforts wouldn’t work but often with their help to calm everyone down conflict would be resolved quickly without parents having to get involved. 

    I think my parents are the only family roles that have stayed solely with one person! Other family roles have shifted as siblings either moved away or changed but my parents have always filled their roles as the leaders of our family. They help bring order to our sometimes caustic home and help teach each of us each day through word and example. They listen and give advice to each of us even to siblings who have gotten married or moved out.  They are not perfect parents but I am not sure what my family life would have been like without one or both of them leading and loving us each and every day! Parents are definitely vital to building a strong loving family unit! 

    These family roles have played a huge impact on my family and helped us all work together for the same cause. Looking back I am amazed at all my siblings and I were able to learn just by filling these roles within our family. We learned how to communicate, leadership skills, how to foster peace in our home and how to laugh and find joy even when things seemed hard. Family units are truly a wonderful place for kids to learn and grow and I am so grateful I had this amazing opportunity to grow up in a loving family! 

    I would love to hear from you what roles you filled in your family growing up or what role you’re now filling in your family today! How has your family been impacted by your filling these roles?

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